a very very rare and random post i could say. not an open up person when it comes to inner feeling because it’s damn complicated to spill. life’s been pretty complicated these days. no,maybe not life. maybe it’s just me. maybe it’s me who’s battling with never ending inner conflict.maybe it’s just me facing inner depression without anyone releasing. maybe it’s just me being complicated and overthinking over simple stuffs. idk,life’s been pretty complicated.no,not life.it’s just me.

when stepping into 20s and still thinking what exactly you wanna do in the future,still can’t figure out how to make money and side income,still depending on parent’s money and it is hella embarrassing for me.still struggling with superly long degree life.and knowing your circle gonna graduate anytime soon and you just stepping into 2nd year is kinda saddening depressing stressing i dont know how to conclude into a word.knowing your work life is still long long way to go kinda make me losing my excitement in life. “take your time to complete your studies, graduating isn’t a competition”,they said. and used to hold to that quote but slowly releasing that is just a sentence to make you feel better.In reality, graduating and getting degree is a competition. idk,maybe it’s just me who has that kind of mind set. idk.

when stepping into 20s and facing lots of dramas. seeing friend getting engaged and can’t get married anytime soon because of family’s conflict,tought me that settling down isn’t that easy peasy baby. seeing bestfriends become used-to-be-a-bestfriend-but-not-anymore because of boyfriend-girlfriend relationship,thought me that everyone comes and go. never expect anyone to stay beside you all the time.life isn’t that nice baby. seeing friends are happier with their life and you still doesn’t have any progression is the most depressing ever.

i’m a complete paradox. showing the world my happy pictures on social medias but deep down i’m sad and depressed.i’m a complete paradox. thinking i’ve large circle of friends but at the end realizing only few gonna back me up when im in a trouble. i’m a complete paradox. posting pictures with inspiring captions but in reality i lost my passion,interest and don’t even know anymore what gonna inspire and excites me. i’m a complete paradox. self-proclaim a workaholic but not sure what you gonna do in a day. i’m a complete paradox.

relationship isn’t too smooth. figuring out either he’s the right one or just a part of my journey ain’t easy. searching for someone who could be weird and crazy,work together under pressure, understands your needs, or at least could be your bestfriend ain’t that easy. finding someone who you truly love ain’t easy. finding someone who you really wanna spend your time together ain’t easy. finding someone who has the same interest as you ain’t easy.but it ain’t surprising neither because life is never easy. but hopefully it’s gonna worth it.

not sure what life gonna surprise me,hopefully it gonna worth the journey.